Indie authors...
It does have less letters in it, I agree... But it doesn't change the fact that it just means "self-published writers". You can lubricate it any way you like, it still means you shat out something through a vanity press or something similar. You can call a woman an administrative assistant, but she still belongs in the kitchen. One might prefer to be called an adult entertainment performer, yet she still gets fucked for a living. Ask anyone working at The Home Depot or Walmart if they're proud to earn less than minimum wage and they'll give you the finger.
So indie author or self-published writer amounts to the exact same thing, stupid. Like many SFF online reviewers, I refuse to read any books that might require me to think. I have enough trouble reading the crap that went through the normal publishing process, so I have no time to waste on something that takes up valuable time I could be spending reading volume 36 of my favourite neckbeard grimdark fantasy series.
For the last year or two, these so-called indie authors have started spoiling it for everyone on various SFF message boards and other online communities, pointing out that the books people like that are published by the normal publishing process are often no better than self-published books. They often point the finger at reviewers like me, people who refuse to give self-published books a shot. They are quick to point out the very few exceptions that "made it," refusing to agree with the fact that most of the stuff that ever came out of vanity presses has always been worthless crap.
Hence, even though I'm one of those readers who doesn't like to have their ignorance challenged, I'm willing to give those authors a chance to show that I am an idiot. So here's the deal:
In the comment section of this post, I'll give indie authors the opportunity to make their sale's [sic] pitch. Provide the title of your novel and a blurb that will give us an idea of what the book is all about. In addition, I want you to tell me why you believe I shouldn't just make a snap judgment after reading the first three words. I'll let this run its course for a while, and then I'll select the five works whose premise intrigued me enough to give them a shot.
That done, I will ask my readers to vote on which work they would like me to read and perhaps write one of my typically insightful reviews on. Once the votes are tallied, I will officially commit to read the first 100 words of the book the Shitlist readers will have voted for. If it's at a low enough reading level for me, I will read the whole thing and review it on the Shitlist. If it's good, I will of course refuse to admit it and not change my opinion.
The catch: If it sucks, I will show NO MERCY. So before making your sale's [sic] pitch, make sure you understand this. I have books from quality authors such as Terry Goodkind, R Scott Bakker, Patrick Rothfuss, and many other neckbeards, waiting to be read. If you make me waste my time on a book that is too difficult for me, I will make you feel as though I've been going easy on Dr Seuss these last few years. I kid you not. I will spew forth. A lot.
Please don't make me make you regret this...
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